i just dont really know what i’m doing here anymore. it’s what i want but it’s hard. really hard. if i had a friend that was in the same situation I would tell them to bail, rip off the tape, do it quickly. why can’t i take the same advice? I don’t want to give up but I’m at a loss as to what else to do. How do you walk away from something that makes you happy, that isn’t really a problem, where there is no conflict…it’s just an impossible situation. There is no way this will end well for me, i’ve went through every scenario in my mind, every possible ending. it’s going to break me. there is no question. I need to decide if I want to be broken now, while I’m in control, or wait for him to do it for me.